Inner Life

Day 1: Talk 1: INNER LIFE. Retreat to the FMAs, Bellefonte Outreach, Shillong.

The time given for meditation seems to be a time wasted. Many of us don’t enjoy this time. Why? We are called to be contemplatives even in action; but we find it difficult to spend half an hour in good solid meditation. We like to miss it, more than have it.

Our vocation is connected with our prayer, and particularly meditation. To meditate daily is to have chosen, accepted, and surrendered to a vocation. It is a vocation that places us at the centre of history and yet also at its very edge, because most people will see us as innocuous, pious, or maybe even self-centred. That poverty might well be our deepest charity.

Put God at the centre of your meditation. Focus on God. Concentrate on the person of God. Be conscious of the person you are talking to, addressing, interacting, arguing. The gospels were written that we identify ourselves with Jesus, not with Zacchaeus, or the Samaritan woman, or Peter, or John, or others. They maybe good starting points, but the person you need to identify with is Jesus Christ himself.

A contemplative is one who draws every moment from the divine; not from herself/himself.

When you write your meditation, you can have a follow-up of the process. You will be able to evaluate your prayer, meditation, your prayer life. During this retreat, you may write all your prayers. In a way, you may avoid distractions. At the end of the meditation, please respond with a foundational “yes.”

Fragmentation of consciousness. A reality of the postmodern world. Meditation even merely as a technique will make you aware of this reality in ourselves. Furthermore, meditation as prayer will help you put God at the centre of your being. Our single-minded dedication is fostered.

FDR (Franklin Delano Roosevelt) – nobody listens to me – to guests “I killed my grandmother.” Bolivian ambassador: “She must have done something to really deserve it.”

When we sit in prayer, what happens? We hear sounds, lots of them... we hear voices, plenty of them. First normal reaction to all these sounds: escape, run away, distract, make use of the time: make a call, listen to music, read a book, etc. When we persevere to sit and sit and only then we learn to pray. Pray and pray more, that is the best method of praying. Sit, and persevere to sit, that is the best way to listen to a voice, a thin and feeble voice that speaks to us despite the loud sounds and noises and various voices that surround our prayer time. Our consistency and constancy and perseverance only can help us to trust that feeble voice, that comes from far away. At first, very difficult to trust that voice. Then, to get trained to listen to it.... that’s the next difficulty. If we persevere to sit and listen to that voice days and days together, we will hear of this voice speaking of light, joy, peace, and love. It will call you the Beloved. (Praying is listening. To pray is to listen to the voice that calls you the beloved.) “Let us listen for the voice of the Lord and enter into his peace” (invitatory antiphon).

We have to wait and observe. That’s what happens in the early stages of contemplation. We wait in silence. In silence all our usual patterns assault us. Our patterns of control, addiction, negativity, tension, anger, and fear assert themselves. That’s why most people give up rather quickly. When Jesus is led by the Spirit into the wilderness, the first things that show up are wild beasts (Mark 1:13). Contemplation is not first of all consoling. It’s only real.

At this stage, go into the closet. Go into your room and shut the door (Mt 6:6). Only then, when you stop the parade of new voices and idea, will you see the underlying and ever-recurring patterns. It is a humiliating experience. The first voices we hear are normally negative. They are paranoid and obsessive voices. They are agenda-driven and insecure voices. They are lustful and lazy voices. You will want to run, I assure you.

“Lord, teach us to pray.” (Lk 11:1) Every time we need to remind ourselves that “we do not know how to pray.” (Rom 8:27) This is the right attitude as we begin to pray. We are disciples; we are weak. “Lord, teach us to pray.” This in itself is a prayer, moreover you ask the Lord himself, the Spirit himself to help us in our endeavour. “It is the Spirit that prays in us with sighs too deep for words.” This is the right attitude of prayer.

Mt 5:3, Three Don’ts of Prayer:

1. Don’t pray like hypocrites.

2. Don’t pray like gentiles.

3. Don’t pray like beggars.

Mt 5:3, Three Do’s of Prayer:

1. Go to your private room.

2. Shut yourself in.

3. Pray to your Father in heaven.

Don’t pray like hypocrites. Their motive to pray is to show off. They have had their reward.

Don’t pray like gentiles. Don’t heap up phrases which are meaningless. Don’t use meaningless words. Mean what you pray.

Don’t pray like beggars. God knows what you need even before you pray. He knows your needs more than you know yourself. 

The three do’s of prayer will help us enter into prayer.

Go to your private room. Private room = enter into your self: mind and heart. Inner room is Christ.

Close the door. Shut yourself in. Away from senses and imagination. Away from distractions.

Pray to your Father. Presence of God. You must know to whom you are praying.

The Jesus Prayer. “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy upon me.” Remarkable story of a Russian peasant who wandered through his vast country discovering with growing amazement and inner joy the marvellous fruits of the Jesus prayer. You will find this in The Way of the Pilgrim (I’ve taken in it from Henri Nouwen).

“By the grace of God I am a Christian man, but by my actions a great sinner. On the 24th Sunday after Pentecost I went to the church to say my prayers during the liturgy. The first Epistle of St Paul to the Thessalonians was being read, and among other words I heard these – ‘Pray without ceasing’ [1 Thess 5:17]. It was this text, more than any other, which forced itself upon my mind, and I began to think how it was possible to pray without ceasing, since a man has to concern himself with other things also in order to make a living.”

The peasant went from church to church to listen to sermons but did not find the answer he desired. Finally, he met a holy staretz, who said to him: “Ceaseless interior prayer is a continual yearning of the human spirit toward God. To succeed in this consoling exercise we must pray more often to God to teach us to pray without ceasing. Pray more, and pray more fervently. It is prayer itself which will reveal to you it can be achieved unceasingly; but it will take some time.”

Then the holy staretz taught the peasant the Jesus Prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.” While travelling as a pilgrim through Russia, the peasant repeats this prayer thousands of times with his lips…. He even considers the Jesus Prayer to be his true companion. And then one day he has the feeling that the prayer by its own action passes from his lips to his heart. He says: “It seemed as though my heart in its ordinary beating began to say the words of the Prayer within at each beat… . I gave up saying the Prayer with my lips. I simply listened carefully to what my heart was saying.”

If prayer were just an intelligent exercise of our mind, we would soon become stranded in fruitless and trivial inner debates with God. If, on the other hand, prayer would involve only our heart, we might soon think that good prayers consist in good feelings. But the prayer of the heart in the most profound sense unites mind and heart in the intimacy of the divine love.

What is Prayer? We have questions, irritations, even doubts about prayer. They are very real. But still, a spiritual life without prayer is like the Gospel without Christ. Clarity about the idea of prayer is needed, even if we do not have a grand and systematic theory of prayer.

When we think about prayer, we usually regard it as one of the many things we do to live a full and mature Christian life. If we are fervent in our conviction that prayer is important, we might even be willing to give

a whole hour to prayer every day, or

a whole day every month, or

a whole week every year.

Thus prayer becomes an important part of our life.

But when St Paul speaks about prayer, he uses a very different language. He does not speak about prayer as a part of life. He does not mention prayer as something we should not forget. Prayer is all of life. Prayer is our ongoing concern. To always pray and not lose confidence/trust in God (Luke 18:1).

Paul does not exhort his readers to pray once in a while, regularly, or often, but without hesitation admonishes them to pray constantly, unceasingly, without interruption. He does not ask us to spend some of every day in prayer. No, Paul is much more radical. He asks us to pray day and night, in joy and in sorrow, at work and at play, without intermissions or breaks. For Paul, praying is like breathing. It cannot be interrupted without mortal danger.

Prayer is not one of the ten thousand things; it’s that by which we see the ten thousand things. In prayer we see all things in a new light. Praying is living in the here and now.

Praying is living. Praying pervades every aspect of our lives. It is the unceasing recognition that God is wherever we are, always inviting us to come closer to celebrate the divine gift of being alive.

Prayer is a relationship primarily. Not an act. Not an activity. Which one would be better? “She missed his prayers” or “She is not a prayerful person.” Unless you pray very often, you cannot be a prayerful person. In fact, a prayerful person always wants more and more time to be with God and God alone.

“Prayer is the key expression of faith. ... Think of the gamut of emotions found the psalms – from confusion to gratitude, from rage to tenderness, and from painful questioning to being filled with hope again. Christian prayer means relaxing into the reality of being loved by God, in order to rise, each day, into the gritty realism of loving.” [Gallagher, Faith Maps, 151-152.]

To pray unceasingly would be completely impossible if it meant to think constantly about God. It means to think and live in the presence of God. But if we begin to divide our thoughts into thoughts about God and thought about people and events, we remove God from our daily life to pious little niche where we can think pious thought and experience pious feelings.

In our spiritual life we need to set apart time for God and God alone. But please don’t restrict prayer to that 20 or 30 minutes. Prayer can only become unceasing prayer when all our thoughts – beautiful or ugly, high or low, proud or shameful, sorrowful or joyful – can be thought in the presence of God.

To pray unceasingly is to lead all our thoughts out of their fearful isolation into fearless conversation with God. Jesus: a life lived in the presence of God his Father. He kept nothing hidden from his Father’s face. His joys, his fears, his hopes, and his despairs were always shared with his Father.

Prayer is not introspection. It is not a scrupulous, inward-looking analysis of our thoughts and feelings but a careful attentiveness to the One who invites us to an unceasing conversation. It is a heart-to-heart colloquy. Centre to centre.

Can I present all my thoughts, all my dreams – daydreams and night dreams to our loving Father?

But don’t we use the word “prayer” mostly when we feel that our human limits are reached? Isn’t the word “prayer” more a word to indicate powerlessness rather than a creative contact with the source of life? Prayer is often considered a weakness, a support system.

Prayer pulls us away from self-preoccupations, encourages us to leave familiar ground, and challenges us to enter into a new world which cannot be contained within the narrow boundaries of our mind or heart.

Prayer is reaching out to God, not on our own terms but on God’s terms. It is a great adventure, therefore. The God with whom we enter into a new relationship is greater than we are and defies all our calculations and predictions. It is movement from false certainties to true uncertainties.

Jesus leaves little doubt about the meaning of prayer when he says: “Apart from me you can do nothing; those who dwell in me as I dwell in them, bear much fruit” (John 15:5). Dwelling in Jesus is what prayer is all about.

Life becomes an unbearable burden whenever we lose touch with the presence of a loving Saviour and see only hunger to be alleviated, injustice to be addressed, violence to be overcome, wars to be stopped, and loneliness to be removed. All these are critical issues, and Christians must try to solve them; however, when our concern no longer flows from our personal encounter with the living Christ, we feel oppressive weight.

True prayer embraces the whole world, not just the small part where we live.

Prayer is the bridge between my unconscious and conscious life. Prayer connects my mind with my heart, my will with my passions, my brain with my belly. Prayer is the way to let the life-giving Spirit of God penetrate all the corners of my being. Prayer is the divine instrument of my wholeness, unity, and inner peace.

Prayer heals our split from life itself. It heals our disconnectedness from the deepest stream itself. Thus prayer affirms us at our core. (Comparatively, therapy too heals our disconnections but only in particular aspects: disconnections from this problem, from this person, for this difficult emotion.)

When we are serious about prayer and no longer consider it one of the many thing people do in their lives but, rather, the basic receptive attitude out of which all of life can receive new vitality, we will sooner or later, raise the question: “What is my way to pray, what is the prayer of my heart?” Just as artists search for the style that is most their own, so people who pray search for the prayer of their heart. What is most profound in life, and therefore most dear to us, always needs to be properly protected as well as expressed.

It is said that Don Bosco prayed in silence more often than by using words. But how do we know he prayed in silence? We know that Don Bosco prayed because of what happened immediately after that. A gentle touch, a healing word, an encouraging smile, a prodigious initiative, a grand task/undertaking, an insightful advice: these are the things that point towards the prayerful recollectedness, the practical living of the union with God. An unperturbed calm and serenity despite the heavy schedule of work. A word said not to hurt, but to heal.

Prayer like sleep is seen only by its effects.

Prayer is a fearless conversation with God. Not a monologue, but a dialogue. That will lead me to listen to the voice of love calling me the beloved.

It is a conversation of the here and now; conversation about the present in all its reality. Movement from monologue to dialogue; from worrying to praying; from unceasing thinking to unceasing praying.

Why intercessions? Why prayers of petitions? When we pray, we will increasingly experience ourselves as part of a human family infinetly bound by God who created us to share, all of us, in the divine light.

We often wonder what we can do for others, especially for those in great need. It is not a sign of powerlessness when we say: ‘We must pray for one another.’ To pray for one another is, first of all, to acknowledge in the presence of God, that we belong to each other as children of the same God. Without this acknowledgement of human solidarity, what we do for one another does not flow from who we truly are. We are brothers and sisters, not competitiors or rivals. We are children of one God, not partisans of different gods.

Intimacy with God and solidarity with all people are aspects of dwelling in the present moment that can never be separated. (To pray is to listen to the voice of the One who calls us the ‘beloved,’ and to learn that that voice excludes no one.) [Nouwen, Here and Now.]

Prayer is not an achievement, it is surrender, a total surrender. It is not about “doing” something, but “allowing” to be done to, “allowing” Someone to do in us to do. It is surrendering to the Other, to God. It is a falling in love, it is allowing ourselves to be loved unconditionally and unrestrictedly, it is allowing ourselves to be loved by God. Prayer is getting immersed in love, in God; it is allowing ourselves to float freely in the waters of God; to allow ourselves to breathe freely and feel one with “It.”

Prayer is a discipline of the moment: of here and now. Being in the present. Being here. Being now, at the moment. To feel now, to be here, to allow myself to feel, to breathe, to flow into the here moment. Prayer is to be conscious, to be conscious of all the things, of everything that is happening to me today. It is to be in the Presence.

Prayer is a total surrender to Another. It is not a doing, not an achievement. The evangelical counsels of obedience, poverty and chastity are all not an achievement; they are about surrendering, giving oneself completely.

Once we experience this surrender, this total abandonment, this total self-offering, this union with this consciousness, this being present to the here and the now, we are able to look out at reality from the vantage point of a much Fuller Reality, that has eyes beyond and larger than our own. This is an experience of the deep calling to deep, the divine seeing the divine in the other, the God is us seeing the God in the world.

Prayer is a re-entering into the world of immediacy—where I use my eyes and He sees, where I use my faculties and He grasps and understands and questions and judges and deliberates and decides and loves. I allow my senses and faculties and body and everything to be used by Him. I allow myself back into the Source of everything and the End of everything: the Alpha and the Omega.