Happiness

Feast of the Holy Family (Sunday, 30 December 2018)

Sirach 3:3-7, 14-17 (or 1 Samuel 1:20-22, 24-28). Psalm 128:1-5. Colossians 3:12-21 (or 1 John 3:1-2, 21-24). Luke 2:41-52. (Please click the following link for the above readings http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/123018.cfm.)

“When the parents of Jesus were on their way home after the feast of the Passover, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem without his parents knowing it.”

The well-known Russian author Leo Tolstoy starts his book Anna Karenina thus: “All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” There seems to be a common recipe for happiness, but there is nothing common about unhappiness.

Yet happiness doesn't mean absence of problems and imperfections. Joy or happiness doesn't mean all things are “going well” or “going right.” It just means things are “going,” and “going on” within you. It's an inherent, inner aliveness. Joy is almost entirely an inside job.

The Holy Family of Nazareth, whom we celebrate today, had their share of problems, tensions, anxieties, doubts, headaches, and heartaches. Joseph was thinking of divorce, the family was afflicted by poverty, they were fleeing to another country as refugees, Jesus was lost and is found only after three days, there seems to be some lack of understanding between Jesus and his parents.

Today’s gospel outlines the heartbreaking experience of Mary and Joseph when they lost Jesus. He slipped away from the family circle without informing his parents and stayed back in Jerusalem. Their joy in finding Jesus was dampened by his sharp words, “Don’t you realize that I must be about my Father’s business?” It was difficult for them to realize that he was growing up, coming of age and asserting himself outside his immediate family circle.

Later Jesus had a very important religious experience at the Jordan river; he never returned to live with his family in Nazareth. He did not enjoy his family's support. His immediate family did not approve of his activity as an itinerant prophet. They came to think that he had lost his mind, and was bringing shame to the whole family. As the gospels witness, Jesus left his home in Nazareth for good and went to Capernaum. Only later on some of his family members apparently joined his movement.

The Nazareth family therefore was by no means a perfect family, but a happy family (that grew in wisdom and favour with God and people). Joy in family life has little to do with external circumstances like money, achievements, good jobs, good careers, success, high status in society, popularity, good facilities, comfort and luxury. It has everything to do with friendship, love, freedom, and a purpose in life.

In this context, the Nazareth family inspires us to put God at the centre of our lives. Not money, not success, not things, not persons that are at the centre of their life, but God Himself.

We can see how Mary treasured in her heart all those incomprehensible and even difficult moments. Parents more than children have a contemplative role to play.

Children in our families have a special role: they come and go like strangers. Parents need to perhaps avoid the extremes of abandoning them or overprotecting them. Freedom is the name of the game called love. Parents for their part learn painfully that rearing children is a test of their own growth as adults. If they fail to keep growing as adults they will never understand their children growing up. Children, of necessity, have a life of their own which parents must not stifle by attempting to turn them into carbon-copies of themselves. They must be ready to place faith in their children, striking that delicate balance of slacking control gradually. The time will come when they have to let go altogether, as their children begin to assert independence and launch out on their own.

Even the roles of parents and of children become complementary. At times, children become parents, parents children or friends; that is, there are no defined roles: everyone teaches, everyone learns, everyone contributes.

Today are you going to pray God to take away your problems and suffering, or ask Him for wisdom and maturity to deal with those problems? Suffering (paradoxically!) seems to be the only thing strong enough to unite families. It is the only thing strong enough to break down your egos, control systems, sense of superiority, and pride. And, to borrow and modify Mother Teresa's wise words, suffering is God's most “distressing disguise.”

I tremble to say this, but shouldn't we pray for a bit of suffering for our families? (Or have we been gifted with it in plenty?)