In the first reading, St Paul instructs his readers that the only debt they need to be in, is the debt of mutual love. Love is the summary of all the commandments. By loving our neighbours, we can fulfil the Law. In fact, when you give central place to love, many problems get settled. Love seems to be the only solution for all our problems—personal and social. To fight greed in oneself, one has to increase one's love. To deal with war and violence, we have to certainly use love. To be joyful, we have to open our hearts to love. To be fully human then is to be as loving as possible.
We do receive love, but at times we expect it from all the wrong places. There are few lies that we tell ourselves (and others too perhaps):
People should love me.
People should care for me.
People should not criticize me.
People should help me, support me.
People should respect me.
People should not hate me.
People should not misunderstand me.
People should appreciate me.
People should not judge me.
When you believe the myth that people should care for you, you’re too needy for their love. (This is not love, this is “co-dependency.”) The experience of love can’t come from outside; it can come only from inside you. When people truly love you, you know that they reflect something divine, which is actually inside you.
The only truth that we can be certain about is: God is good. God is love. God cares. God loves me.
Should others love me? Should people care for me? They are not proper questions. I should love myself. I should care for myself. If I receive love from others, that’s good, that’s not merely bonus, but the reflection of God’s love itself. The source of all love is God himself. Human love is only a reflection—though a poor, imperfect reflection—of divine love. So why should I overdepend on human love? I need only to depend on the Lord and His love.
This makes me responsible to give love to others. As I receive love day in and day out, minute after minute, so I need to pass this love to others.
If ever you come across any of the above lies in yourself, for instance, that people should love me. You could turn it around to give at least two true statements: I should love myself. I should love people.
St Paul’s advice in today’s reading is not empty, or haphazard. It comes in the context where he wants our love to be genuine and sincere, without any utilitarian or ulterior motives. And, moreover, we know that mutual love is not co-dependency. Reflecting on Paul’s words, we too could say the same: I realise that I am not loving very well. I am meeting only my needs, which is nothing but “co-dependency.” This kind of love is impure and self-seeking. Perhaps a lot of what we call love today is not love at all.
In the gospel reading, Jesus is even more radical. You need to give first place to God and to loving God. You can’t give that place any human person or thing. As disciple, you have to “deny” yourself and even “hate” your loved ones. Strong words! But they mean you can’t love anything or any person more than God, your Creator.
Also, poverty or detachment is at the very heart of the Gospel. Jesus asks his disciples to carry their cross if they want to follow him. He also says, “None of you can be my disciple unless you give up all your possessions.” God has to be the only treasure of a disciple; any attachment—to material possessions or persons—won’t make you a true or full disciple.
