Lifelong Union

27th Sunday in Ordinary Time - Year B (7 October 2018)

Genesis 2:18-24

Hebrews 2:9-11

Mark 10:2-16

"What God has joined together no one must separate."

Infatuation and falling in love have been compared to catching a cold. People do succumb to both quite easily, if we insist on distinction. People seem to lose their normal equilibrium for a time. Both these phenomena are by their nature ephemeral. Infatuation has always seemed to me a very fragile foundation for the life-long and all-weather commitment of marriage. Some even argue that our ancestors might have been more realistic, with their convention of arranged marriages, which might have had a better history were it not for its unscrupulous exploitation of women. Infatuation is blind to the other’s faults. If this is something of a "falling" in love, then there must be something of a "falling out of love." It may be true that true love can begin only when one falls out of love. Or rather, this is where a relationship can make or break itself. Honeymoon experiences cannot be prolonged lifelong; they need to stop. Only then can normal life begin.

Marriages now may always begin with falling in love but they survive on friendship. Friends are not only aware and tolerant of each other's weaknesses but more importantly are protective. They seek to shield their partners where they are weak. One’s strengths assume the other’s weaknesses. Putting up with a spouse’s shortcomings is nothing but an exercise in crisis-management. But the sad casualties of failed marriages, we know them very well. We are well aware of a hundred illustrations of failed relationships in marriages, perhaps the consequences of a mere absence of friendship, respect, and growth. Marriage therefore is about oneness, and union. "This is why a man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body."

Jesus, as we see in today's gospel reading, was very clear about his position, emphasizing that marriage is a state of life created by God himself, a lifelong union between one man and one woman kept together by a pledge of love and loyalty made in the presence of God. It’s a union that cannot be undone, so when a couple marry there is no power on earth, except death, that can free them to remarry. "What God has joined together man must not separate." I am aware this interpretation is unacceptable to many people, including Christians. But we are called today to reflect on the dignity of marriage and on the permanence of the marriage commitment. A marriage is not a cosmetic arrangement, but a covenantal relationship. I think we need to agree on this point at least.

Love, even in marriages, should go beyond feelings, emotions, sentiments and moods. It is all about commitment, that often calls for sacrifices. The only model for such a love is God himself who loves us without conditions or boundaries. A love that always forgives, a love that always gives freedom, respect and dignity to the other, a love that is 100%. Of course, this is the ideal that one should always survive. But God's help of light and strength in this regard is not an illusion. He helps us in our weaknesses, He fills in the gaps whenever we fail if only we allow Him in our relationship.

We may say that it takes three persons to make a marriage successful: you, your spouse, and God. But it doesn't even take two people to have a happy marriage. It only takes one: you.