Why should I judge myself?

22nd Week in Ordinary Time - Friday (7 September 2018)

1 Corinthians 4:1-5

Luke 5:33-39

“I will not pass judgment on myself. The Lord alone is my judge. He will light up all that is hidden in the dark and reveal the secret intentions of our hearts.”

A brother was restless in the community and often moved to anger. So he said: “I will go, and live somewhere by myself. And since I shall be able to talk or listen to no one, I shall be tranquil, and my passionate anger will cease.” He went out and lived alone in a cave. But one day he filled his jug with water and put it on the ground. It happened suddenly to fall over. He filled it again, and again it fell. And this happened a third time. And in a rage he snatched up the jug and broke it. Returning to his right mind, he knew that the demon of anger had mocked him, and he said: “Here am I by myself, and he has beaten me. I will return to the community.” Wherever you live, you need effort and patience and above all God’s help. —Story of a desert father

Prayer is all about being with the Bridegroom, the Lord. It is about rejoicing in His presence in and through our lives here and now. Prayer is all about allowing God’s light into our hearts, into all of our lives, into all of our secrets. It is not a mental exercise of finding the right words in order to please God. It is not a pious exercise that is merely limited to the church or the temple or the mosque. Prayer is giving space to God 24x7. It is even allowing God to see the deepest secrets of our lives. It is also trying to see God even in the ugliest and darkest events of our lives. It is seeing God in the daily mess of our routine lives. In prayer, even our irritations and moments of anger are surrendered to Him, to transform ourselves.

Irritations can be a good raw material for growth, if you allow them to be so, if you embrace and integrate them into your daily life. Let us keep in mind that irritations in the oyster are those that transform into precious pearls. In order to protect itself from irritation, the oyster will quickly begin covering the uninvited visitor with layers of nacre—the mineral substance that fashions the mollusk’s shells. Layer upon layer of nacre, also known as mother-of-pearl, coat the grain of sand until the dazzling gem is formed. Irritations are not those to be thrown away, but to be used for prayer, and for our eventual growth.

Therefore, distractions themselves could become a source of prayer. Irritations could become the key to our self-discovery. Fears, anxieties, worries are able to provide pathways to our salvation. With conviction we can say that our weaknesses become the source of compassion.

So, as St Paul in today’s first reading, says: Why should I judge myself? Why should I condemn myself? The Lord is our light, and our love, and our judge. He will take care of everything in and around me.